Posts Tagged ‘successful relationship’
If you really want to stop a breakup happening, you must follow these three rules in order to keep your man and win back his love. Remember when you first started dating? What was it that your husband or boyfriend liked about you most? You must know – every couple has the “You know what I first liked about you” chat!
So what happened? Well, life did. Work, commitments, stress all took their toll, and before you know it you ended up taking each other for granted.
But if just one of you makes the effort initially, you can renew your tired relationship into a shiny new one again, because once you let him know how much you are still that gorgeous, playful happy girl he first fell in love with, then he won’t be able to help himself fall in love with you all over again.
First, you need to pay him attention. That often means laughing at his jokes. Yes, they may be lame! But he needs you to laugh at them. If he’s a natural clown, it’s often because making people laugh boosts his self esteem, so not laughing is like a slap in the face.
You’ll know his sense of humor like the back of your hand, so you could even try to predict what he’s going to say, as a way of making fun, but not in a nasty way; in a playful one. That is still paying him attention, so he’ll love it. But make sure you’re smiling, not rolling your eyes, at the time! Men can be just as emotional as women, but they often get angry instead of upset when they think you don’t care.
Secondly, be spontaneous! You must always have creative ideas of fun stuff to do. Write lists if you need to, and arrange fun days out. So many couples end up in a tired old relationship simply due to apathy. They’re too busy or unimaginative to stray from the normal humdrum of day to day life, and they literally become bored of each other.
Become an endless source of surprise and excitement, and he’ll pick up the habit too. He won’t realize it, but he’ll start to get competitive and want to be as creative or more creative than you. You’ll soon find yourself in a whirlwind romance again, because that’s how new couples always behave.
You don’t have to have kids to organize a treasure hunt, or a fancy dress party. Or photographic competitions with a different theme every week or month. And if you really use your imagination, you need not spend a lot of money either. You could play “Who am I” every Saturday. You don’t always need to have the Post-it note on the forehead when out on public, but you could if you don’t mind entertaining the people around you as well! (If you agree to this, he’ll think you’re a hoot!)
And the third thing you need to do to get back to a successful relationship is stay on top of personal maintenance. Be as attractive and as feminine as possible. This might sound fickle, but a lot of people ‘let themselves go’ once they’re in a relationship. It’s all done on a subconscious level, but when folks are single, they stay on top of looking as good as possible, then once they feel they’ve found someone, they stop trying.
But he’s probably let himself go too. You both may have put in weight due to all those take-outs, but if you start to make the effort, he will get the message, the same as with being spontaneous.
If you say stuff like “I’m working out because I can’t stand all this flab” he might get the message that you don’t like his flab either, without you having to insult him.
So don’t forget:
1. Pay him attention
Used properly, these three tips can be very effective. Any one of these tactics will make a difference to your relationship, but when you combine all three, you’ve got dynamite!
But you have to put everything you’ve got into it. Don’t do half measures. You have to have a constantly positive attitude and always remember your goal, or he’ll see your heart’s not really in it.
Make sure you laugh and play every day, and if you turn heads by looking like a fox too, you’ll drive him crazy! He’ll be so proud to show you off, he’ll start to adore you again.
Sometimes human beings would rather be right, than be happy.
Without even knowing we are doing it, we are searching for the opportunity to say “See? I told you so!” or “You wouldn’t listen to me, would you?”
We are viewing the whole relationship as if it were a battlefield. We are working against each other, when we should be on the same side.
The other day, I asked Phil if he would help me with some gardening. My back was hurting and Phil had told me he would do it, and that I should do some writing, but it was a lovely day and I really wanted to clear the overgrown weeds that made up our mini jungle over the last couple of months.
Before our “shake-up” as I call it, Phil (or I, in the same position) would have sulked(!) and pointed out that it was inevitable I would hurt my back, and said one or both of those statements above.
But this time he just hugged me, rubbed my shoulders and took over the gardening without another word.
It was pointed out to us during our therapy that we often argue just for the sake of arguing, and that we need to recognize how to prevent arguments, even the little (seemingly harmless) trivial ones. No matter how tempting it is to point out to your partner that they are wrong and you are right, assess whether it will have a peaceful outcome. It rarely does!
I have to say Phil has remembered all this stuff a lot better than I have. I notice tons of these subtle differences all the time. Quite often when he could easily point out how I’m wrong and he’s right, he doesn’t bother. When it’s the other way round, I find myself starting to say something, then stopping myself mid-sentence, and Phil will wink at me knowingly!
We have both now been trained to ask ourselves “What will the outcome of my actions (or words) be?”
It’s a lot easier to settle for being happy than being right. So swallow your pride and give it a try!
In order to stop a breakup and have a successful relationship, you both need to be able to communicate effectively, but the chances are, one of you has the upper hand regarding communication.
It is reported that more women can interpret non-verbal cues better than men can, but I know lots of men who can do this very well too. All human beings have micro-expressions for example, which are facial expressions they hold for a fraction of a second before they are aware of what their face is doing.
Perhaps, for example, you bump into someone you don’t like, but you obviously don’t want the person to know you you are horrified to see them, so you smile and pleasantly ask how they are. But for a split second, when they first caught your attention, you looked slightly horrified before immediately changing your expression to a smile. Even though you smiled, if the person is good at picking up non-verbal cues, they will have noticed.
It is these micro-expressions that tell people the likelihood of us lying and our true feelings despite what we are actually saying. They are quite universal and even body language experts often cannot hide these micro-expressions, but there are often charicteristics that are unique to each individual, that only people who know them will be able to interpret.
Nervous laughter at the end of a sentence can also give away that we are not feeling comfortable, and in a lot of literature on non-verbal communication, this behavior is often indicative of lying, but that advice is very unreliable because many people develop this as a nervous habit, whether they lie or not.
In addition, when we try to decypher what our partner is really communicating, if we are slightly paranoid, we may be reading just a bit too much into their behavior.
So no matter how good we normally are at perceiving people’s behavior, in order to prevent distrust and further conflict, there is only one way to find out exactly what is going on in our partner’s head.
What we really need to do is talk to each other. And when we suspect our partner is keeping something from us, rather than become accusatory, ask ourselves why this would be. If for example it is to save from hurting our feelings, then provide a disclaimer to that scenario immediately, by saying something like “You can tell me honestly – I won’t be offended”.
Make direct communication a healthy habit in your relationship. Just make sure you do it in a way that does not make your partner think you are nagging them. If you listen and regularly act upon their requests, they will have faith that talking to you openly is a good thing.
Best of luck.
People in successful relationships have one huge thing in common. They are happy in their own skin; they’re happy with who they are and they exude confidence.
They sound perfect don’t they? But d’you know what? They’re not perfect. Most people have insecurities. The key is knowing what is acceptable to reveal and what is not. Even if you have terrible low self esteem and get very jealous at the slightest opportunity, you can still appear to be confident.
Actors do it all the time when preparing for a role. You just act. And there will be instant feedback. For example, if you were to fixate yourself on a hobby and when your partner next sees you, you smile and are polite, you ask them how their day has been and tell them you’ll be with them shortly – your feedback will be the same; a smile and a polite response.
Although this may seem a small gesture, it is very important. Make sure all your interactions are equally as pleasant.
You have now communicated to your partner that you have a life of your own. That your are happy doing something that doesn’t rely on their constant input. They will feel that you have not been festering away thinking about negative things, and this will make you more approachable.
And the great thing about this acting is; after a while you won’t need to act anymore because you’ll become the person you are behaving like! Your confident behavior will make your partner open up more and you will see there is nothing to be jealous about. Then the love you have for each other will be genuine, and you can rest assured that you are loved for who you are, forget your old insecurities and become one of those couples in a successful relationship.