Posts Tagged ‘partner’

Understanding Each Other

Saturday, April 9th, 2011

A lot of visitors to this website might be wanting their partner; their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife to change their ways in order to stop a break up from happening. But you are the only one here, not your partner. You cannot change anyone who does not want to change – not directly, at least. But you can change yourself and influence your partner’s behavior through your own behavior.

The first question you need to ask is;” Do I really understand my partner?” We all like to be understood, but how good are we at understanding others? In fact how willing are we to even try to understand our partners?

Your partner won’t necessarily tell you what it is they feel they need from you, because they may not even know themselves. But you have the resources to find out – simply by asking the right questions. The more we know about a person, the more we are able to understand them.

Make a concerted effort to learn about your partner and everything he or she likes. Do not think about what either of you don’t like! That will set off the critical voice in your head and cause more negativity. Just stick to all the positive stuff. Your partner will soon notice you are getting involved with their interests and become more receptive to your wants and needs. Understanding each other makes for a lasting relationship and strengthens your love.

The Danger of Always Being Right

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

stopbreakupSometimes human beings would rather be right, than be happy.

Without even knowing we are doing it, we are searching for the opportunity to say “See? I told you so!” or “You wouldn’t listen to me, would you?”

We are viewing the whole relationship as if it were a battlefield. We are working against each other, when we should be on the same side.

The other day, I asked Phil if he would help me with some gardening. My back was hurting and Phil had told me he would do it, and that I should do some writing, but it was a lovely day and I really wanted to clear the overgrown weeds that made up our mini jungle over the last couple of months.

Before our “shake-up” as I call it, Phil (or I, in the same position) would have sulked(!) and pointed out that it was inevitable I would hurt my back, and said one or both of those statements above.

But this time he just hugged me, rubbed my shoulders and took over the gardening without another word.

It was pointed out to us during our therapy that we often argue just for the sake of arguing, and that we need to recognize how to prevent arguments, even the little (seemingly harmless) trivial ones. No matter how tempting it is to point out to your partner that they are wrong and you are right, assess whether it will have a peaceful outcome. It rarely does!

I have to say Phil has remembered all this stuff a lot better than I have. I notice tons of these subtle differences all the time. Quite often when he could easily point out how I’m wrong and he’s right, he doesn’t bother. When it’s the other way round, I find myself starting to say something, then stopping myself mid-sentence, and Phil will wink at me knowingly!

We have both now been trained to ask ourselves “What will the outcome of my actions (or words) be?”

It’s a lot easier to settle for being happy than being right. So swallow your pride and give it a try!

Stop A Breakup With a Challenge

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

One amazingly powerful way to stop a breakup is when you focus all your energy on something other than your relationship, and your partner lives through it with you. When was the last time you were really challenged? I don’t mean in a discussion or argument, but in a real adventure or upheaval in your life.

Perhaps it was a sporting event that you had to put all your physical and mental energy into. How about training for running a marathon? Because it is something constructive, your partner would have to be incredibly selfish if they did not support you in something like this.

Perhaps you suffered in some way, and fought to get out of a bad situation. I will never look at adversity as bad luck ever again. Why? Because something happened to us that we thought was one of the cruelest blows of bad luck imaginable. We never would have believed we could survive it and even one day be thankful that it had happened. But we did.

When adversity hits, don’t crumble under the pressure. Think of it as your turn to be tested and an opportunity to prove you can come through it. If you and your partner go through the bad times together and support each other, your bond will grow stronger than ever, because you will learn things about yourselves and each other that you never imagined were possible.

Relationship Communication

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

In order to stop a breakup and have a successful relationship, you both need to be able to communicate effectively, but the chances are, one of you has the upper hand regarding communication.

It is reported that more women can interpret non-verbal cues better than men can, but I know lots of men who can do this very well too. All human beings have micro-expressions for example, which are facial expressions they hold for a fraction of a second before they are aware of what their face is doing.

Perhaps, for example, you bump into someone you don’t like, but you obviously don’t want the person to know you you are horrified to see them, so you smile and pleasantly ask how they are. But for a split second, when they first caught your attention, you looked slightly horrified before immediately changing your expression to a smile. Even though you smiled, if the person is good at picking up non-verbal cues, they will have noticed.

It is these micro-expressions that tell people the likelihood of us lying and our true feelings despite what we are actually saying. They are quite universal and even body language experts often cannot hide these micro-expressions, but there are often charicteristics that are unique to each individual, that only people who know them will be able to interpret.

Nervous laughter at the end of a sentence can also give away that we are not feeling comfortable, and in a lot of literature on non-verbal communication, this behavior is often indicative of lying, but that advice is very unreliable because many people develop this as a nervous habit, whether they lie or not.

In addition, when we try to decypher what our partner is really communicating, if we are slightly paranoid, we may be reading just a bit too much into their behavior.

So no matter how good we normally are at perceiving people’s behavior, in order to prevent distrust and further conflict, there is only one way to find out exactly what is going on in our partner’s head.

What we really need to do is talk to each other. And when we suspect our partner is keeping something from us, rather than become accusatory, ask ourselves why this would be. If for example it is to save from hurting our feelings, then provide a disclaimer to that scenario immediately, by saying something like “You can tell me honestly – I won’t be offended”.

Make direct communication a healthy habit in your relationship. Just make sure you do it in a way that does not make your partner think you are nagging them. If you listen and regularly act upon their requests, they will have faith that talking to you openly is a good thing.

Best of luck.

stopthatbreakuplogo

Successful Relationships

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

People in successful relationships have one huge thing in common. They are happy in their own skin; they’re happy with who they are and they exude confidence.

They sound perfect don’t they? But d’you know what? They’re not perfect. Most people have insecurities. The key is knowing what is acceptable to reveal and what is not. Even if you have terrible low self esteem and get very jealous at the slightest opportunity, you can still appear to be confident.

Actors do it all the time when preparing for a role. You just act. And there will be instant feedback. For example, if you were to fixate yourself on a hobby and when your partner next sees you, you smile and are polite, you ask them how their day has been and tell them you’ll be with them shortly – your feedback will be the same; a smile and a polite response.

Although this may seem a small gesture, it is very important. Make sure all your interactions are equally as pleasant.

You have now communicated to your partner that you have a life of your own. That your are happy doing something that doesn’t rely on their constant input. They will feel that you have not been festering away thinking about negative things, and this will make you more approachable.

And the great thing about this acting is; after a while you won’t need to act anymore because you’ll become the person you are behaving like! Your confident behavior will make your partner open up more and you will see there is nothing to be jealous about. Then the love you have for each other will be genuine, and you can rest assured that you are loved for who you are, forget your old insecurities and become one of those couples in a successful relationship.

The Stop That Breakup blog

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

I have decided to build a blog on how to stop breakups because I was so lucky to find this information out.

They do not teach people this stuff. We are just supposed to muddle through life and know instinctively what to do!

And yet they wouldn’t let you out on the highway without a driving license would they? It’s exactly the same thing. There has to be a proven system to follow in order to get along with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. And I have so many post ideas and great info on how to work on your relationship, so you don’t have to break up with your partner.

If you sign up for your free 7 Day Course on the right, you can start putting the advice into action right now! Within minutes you’ll receive Part 1 of your course, and over the next week you will discover the most common mistakes that people in troubled or failed relationships do. Make sure you are not doing any of these or you could lose your partner forever.