Posts Tagged ‘Be Happy’

Guys; Wear Red to Keep Your Woman!

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

Research has shown that women are attracted to men who wear red. They find men in red more powerful, attractive and sexually desirable than men wearing other colors, according to a new study by the University of Rochester.

So fellas, if you don’t want to lose your woman, you need to wear red. A university professor says so!

“We found that women view men in red as higher in status, more likely to make money and more likely to climb the social ladder,” says lead researcher Andrew Elliot, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, in a university news release. “It is this high status judgment that leads to the attraction.”

You may think it’s because women think of guys wearing red as passionate or sensitive, but in fact it is because the color made men appear attractive and powerful, but it had no effect on whether a man was likable, kind or sociable.

The study was conducted on undergraduate men and women in the United States, the UK, China and Germany, and it was found that the “red effect” is consistent across cultures. This leads Elliot to believe the results to be biological in nature, and not culturally ingrained.

In the study, women were shown a series of photos of men in different colored tees and were asked about their interest in dating, kissing and more with the men in the pictures. No trend was found with any other color.

But then the guy who did the experiment does seem to have a fascination with the color red. He found in 2007 that red could impair the ability to perform competitively, and in 2008 that women in red were more attractive to men.

Well in theory he should be attracted to this blog then, shouldn’t he?

The Danger of Always Being Right

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

stopbreakupSometimes human beings would rather be right, than be happy.

Without even knowing we are doing it, we are searching for the opportunity to say “See? I told you so!” or “You wouldn’t listen to me, would you?”

We are viewing the whole relationship as if it were a battlefield. We are working against each other, when we should be on the same side.

The other day, I asked Phil if he would help me with some gardening. My back was hurting and Phil had told me he would do it, and that I should do some writing, but it was a lovely day and I really wanted to clear the overgrown weeds that made up our mini jungle over the last couple of months.

Before our “shake-up” as I call it, Phil (or I, in the same position) would have sulked(!) and pointed out that it was inevitable I would hurt my back, and said one or both of those statements above.

But this time he just hugged me, rubbed my shoulders and took over the gardening without another word.

It was pointed out to us during our therapy that we often argue just for the sake of arguing, and that we need to recognize how to prevent arguments, even the little (seemingly harmless) trivial ones. No matter how tempting it is to point out to your partner that they are wrong and you are right, assess whether it will have a peaceful outcome. It rarely does!

I have to say Phil has remembered all this stuff a lot better than I have. I notice tons of these subtle differences all the time. Quite often when he could easily point out how I’m wrong and he’s right, he doesn’t bother. When it’s the other way round, I find myself starting to say something, then stopping myself mid-sentence, and Phil will wink at me knowingly!

We have both now been trained to ask ourselves “What will the outcome of my actions (or words) be?”

It’s a lot easier to settle for being happy than being right. So swallow your pride and give it a try!

Stop a Breakup? Stop the Negative Vibes

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

If you need to stop a breakup ASAP, you really need to dump the negative vibes even sooner.

Are you the sort of person who says phrases like “knowing my luck” or “that’s typical!” or “as usual” in a sarcastic or despairing tone when conversing with your partner?

In the same way that people would rather be right than be happy, we often have our default setting on the negative. It’s such an ingrained habit of ours to complain, we are totally unaware of how our behavior comes across to other people.

Even little remarks like that add to the mountain of negative comments we make a hundred times a day, and even others will not necessarily know what it is that puts them off us, but put them off us it does!

There is a reason for everything. So instead of just responding to stuff with a defensive knee-jerk reaction, ask yourself what the underlying reason could be.

Rather than look for the negative in life, your partner or whatever, discover the reason and accept it, or deal with it in a positive way.

If you oppose something, do so positively. Check out the difference between the following statements that could be spoken in any relationship:

“You see? This is the thing about you – you always do this! Every time I try to suggest something, you always have to ruin it by saying it’s a bad idea!”

or

“I understand what you mean honey, maybe it isn’t a practical suggestion for this week, but would you consider it for sometime over the next few weeks? If we do it, and you hate it, you can choose the next thing we do. How about that?”

The second response is not only non-accusatory, it is giving your partner a choice. Once they have a choice, they will feel more involved and be more open to your suggestions in future. Even if they don’t like your idea, they are much more likely to reason with you fairly about it.

So break up with the negative vibes, and not your partner!