Relationship Communication

November 19th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

In order to stop a breakup and have a successful relationship, you both need to be able to communicate effectively, but the chances are, one of you has the upper hand regarding communication.

It is reported that more women can interpret non-verbal cues better than men can, but I know lots of men who can do this very well too. All human beings have micro-expressions for example, which are facial expressions they hold for a fraction of a second before they are aware of what their face is doing.

Perhaps, for example, you bump into someone you don’t like, but you obviously don’t want the person to know you you are horrified to see them, so you smile and pleasantly ask how they are. But for a split second, when they first caught your attention, you looked slightly horrified before immediately changing your expression to a smile. Even though you smiled, if the person is good at picking up non-verbal cues, they will have noticed.

It is these micro-expressions that tell people the likelihood of us lying and our true feelings despite what we are actually saying. They are quite universal and even body language experts often cannot hide these micro-expressions, but there are often charicteristics that are unique to each individual, that only people who know them will be able to interpret.

Nervous laughter at the end of a sentence can also give away that we are not feeling comfortable, and in a lot of literature on non-verbal communication, this behavior is often indicative of lying, but that advice is very unreliable because many people develop this as a nervous habit, whether they lie or not.

In addition, when we try to decypher what our partner is really communicating, if we are slightly paranoid, we may be reading just a bit too much into their behavior.

So no matter how good we normally are at perceiving people’s behavior, in order to prevent distrust and further conflict, there is only one way to find out exactly what is going on in our partner’s head.

What we really need to do is talk to each other. And when we suspect our partner is keeping something from us, rather than become accusatory, ask ourselves why this would be. If for example it is to save from hurting our feelings, then provide a disclaimer to that scenario immediately, by saying something like “You can tell me honestly – I won’t be offended”.

Make direct communication a healthy habit in your relationship. Just make sure you do it in a way that does not make your partner think you are nagging them. If you listen and regularly act upon their requests, they will have faith that talking to you openly is a good thing.

Best of luck.

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Sleep More to Improve Your Sex Life

October 12th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

stopbreakupToo many couples are in danger of breaking up because they simply do not get enough sleep. Tired people have less patience, snap more easily and are less able to be reasonable during discussions.

But lack of sleep is also ruining what should be one of the most enjoyable activities a couple can share; sex.

It’s a bad idea to always only have sex at the end of a hard days work, yet that’s what is going on with millions of couples. We often go to bed too late, and you know how it is, when you are really tired – it is impossible to get in the mood when you are so tired.

You both need to make the effort to get enough sleep all the time, otherwise here’s what will happen:

If the woman is tired, she’ll go to bed and not be in the mood for sex, so it doesn’t happen, and the man is obviously not happy.

Or the man will be too tired, but he’s still in the mood, so sex will happen, but it’ll be the absolute basics, without foreplay, so the woman is not happy.

So many think that this sort of stuff is not important. But if it happens too often, both partners will resent the other, and also when sex does happen, it will be unfulfilling and a chore. Never let sex become a chore! That’s awful, and can easily lead to infidelity.

So make sure you get enough sleep, so that you’ll not only enjoy sex more, but you’ll enjoy everything more!

Stop a Breakup? Stop the Negative Vibes

September 20th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

If you need to stop a breakup ASAP, you really need to dump the negative vibes even sooner.

Are you the sort of person who says phrases like “knowing my luck” or “that’s typical!” or “as usual” in a sarcastic or despairing tone when conversing with your partner?

In the same way that people would rather be right than be happy, we often have our default setting on the negative. It’s such an ingrained habit of ours to complain, we are totally unaware of how our behavior comes across to other people.

Even little remarks like that add to the mountain of negative comments we make a hundred times a day, and even others will not necessarily know what it is that puts them off us, but put them off us it does!

There is a reason for everything. So instead of just responding to stuff with a defensive knee-jerk reaction, ask yourself what the underlying reason could be.

Rather than look for the negative in life, your partner or whatever, discover the reason and accept it, or deal with it in a positive way.

If you oppose something, do so positively. Check out the difference between the following statements that could be spoken in any relationship:

“You see? This is the thing about you – you always do this! Every time I try to suggest something, you always have to ruin it by saying it’s a bad idea!”

or

“I understand what you mean honey, maybe it isn’t a practical suggestion for this week, but would you consider it for sometime over the next few weeks? If we do it, and you hate it, you can choose the next thing we do. How about that?”

The second response is not only non-accusatory, it is giving your partner a choice. Once they have a choice, they will feel more involved and be more open to your suggestions in future. Even if they don’t like your idea, they are much more likely to reason with you fairly about it.

So break up with the negative vibes, and not your partner!

Stop That Breakup with Your Boyfriend

September 6th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

Once your boyfriend breaks up with you it leaves an awful feeling especially if you do not want to let go of the relationship. You feel shattered, devastated, hopeless and heartbroken. It hurts so much that it seems as though it is paralyzing your life.

But don’t fear, for there is light at the end of the tunnel. If indeed you have truly found the one that you can build all your tomorrows with, then grab him back for there is still hope to bring back the joy of romance, start building your dreams together and fix your relationship.

But how do you stop a breakup with your boyfriend?

If your mind is in the state of feeling hopeless and you are on the verge of a breakup then remember that you can stop the breakup if you do things the right way. There is still a great chance that you become happy again in your relationship.

Each action you take should be planned, for a mistake could easily have a disastrous outcome. If not thought through properly, it could easily destroy your plans of stopping the impending breakup and being back in each other’s arms. But you must avoid at all costs panicking or appearing desperate. Yes, the fear of losing somebody can make you panicky. But you must control yourself so that this does not happen. It is a normal urge to beg him to stay, for you feel you need him, but portraying that kind of image will not help. Banish those panicky feelings for a while and clear your head.You cannot decide anything clearly if you are in panic mode. And your partner will not want to stay with you because he is sorry. Even if he does stay the relationship will still be doomed because he will just be pitying you.

If you want to save your relationship and you truly love him, you can do it by taking action. You need to have a proper plan and that’s what T Dub Jackson can provide you with in his inspiring book.

Stop That Breakup 7 Day Course

August 25th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

Hi guys, we’ve been getting positive feedback about the Free 7 Day Course we’re currently giving away to subscribers.

Here are a few comments from some of the emails we’ve had:

Sangita says:

Wow! when you said it was comprehensive you weren’t kidding! I have been so depressed lately and i know what to do now. My boyfriend already noticed a diffrence when I did what you said on day 4 . we have some friends coming round on saturday and we plan to play your game!

R L says:

Thanks for the free course an the extra bonus. It is very helpful, I guess I wasn’t being fair to my boyfriend before. I blamed him for evcerything but if Im honest it is about 50.50. both of us.

Mark says:

“I really thought it was gonna be pile of junk but it was quite good thanks. I liked the negotiation examples you gave…”

Nadav says:

I love the course so far but is it possible to not have stop that breakup in the title? I wanted to view it at work and that is sort of private?

In response to Nadav’s comment, we have Stop That Breakup within the title because it is the name of the 7 Day Course, but subsequent emails will still have ‘Stop That Breakup’ in the ‘From’ box because they are sent from our email linked to this site; Gemma AT StopThatBreakup.com. We have to make it clear who they are from so they don’t get missed or filtered out.

What you could do is quickly forward the email to a different private email and change the title, then delete the original. Then the forwarded email won’t show up as being from us. Most people have more than one email address. If you don’t, get a free one from Gmail. I wouldn’t recommend hotmail or yahoo as they are often linked with deliverability issues.

Keep your comments coming; we want to know what you think!

Thanks

Gemma

Men’s and Women’s Brains

August 15th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

Mark Gungor does seminars on how to improve your marriage by using laughter, and he certainly has a gift for comedy. I’ve picked the shortest video from the series, but if you do get chance check out more of his stuff or the full version of this sketch. He is so right – and really funny.

Successful Relationships

August 6th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

People in successful relationships have one huge thing in common. They are happy in their own skin; they’re happy with who they are and they exude confidence.

They sound perfect don’t they? But d’you know what? They’re not perfect. Most people have insecurities. The key is knowing what is acceptable to reveal and what is not. Even if you have terrible low self esteem and get very jealous at the slightest opportunity, you can still appear to be confident.

Actors do it all the time when preparing for a role. You just act. And there will be instant feedback. For example, if you were to fixate yourself on a hobby and when your partner next sees you, you smile and are polite, you ask them how their day has been and tell them you’ll be with them shortly – your feedback will be the same; a smile and a polite response.

Although this may seem a small gesture, it is very important. Make sure all your interactions are equally as pleasant.

You have now communicated to your partner that you have a life of your own. That your are happy doing something that doesn’t rely on their constant input. They will feel that you have not been festering away thinking about negative things, and this will make you more approachable.

And the great thing about this acting is; after a while you won’t need to act anymore because you’ll become the person you are behaving like! Your confident behavior will make your partner open up more and you will see there is nothing to be jealous about. Then the love you have for each other will be genuine, and you can rest assured that you are loved for who you are, forget your old insecurities and become one of those couples in a successful relationship.

The Stop That Breakup blog

August 4th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

I have decided to build a blog on how to stop breakups because I was so lucky to find this information out.

They do not teach people this stuff. We are just supposed to muddle through life and know instinctively what to do!

And yet they wouldn’t let you out on the highway without a driving license would they? It’s exactly the same thing. There has to be a proven system to follow in order to get along with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. And I have so many post ideas and great info on how to work on your relationship, so you don’t have to break up with your partner.

If you sign up for your free 7 Day Course on the right, you can start putting the advice into action right now! Within minutes you’ll receive Part 1 of your course, and over the next week you will discover the most common mistakes that people in troubled or failed relationships do. Make sure you are not doing any of these or you could lose your partner forever.

Welcome!

August 4th, 2009  / Author: Gemma

stopbreakupWelcome to the Stop That Breakup blog. I hope you are able to benefit a great deal from the information here so you can stop a break-up and keep your man or woman and be happy together for a long time.