The first question you need to ask is;” Do I really understand my partner?” We all like to be understood, but how good are we at understanding others? In fact how willing are we to even try to understand our partners?

Your partner won’t necessarily tell you what it is they feel they need from you, because they may not even know themselves. But you have the resources to find out – simply by asking the right questions. The more we know about a person, the more we are able to understand them.

Make a concerted effort to learn about your partner and everything he or she likes. Do not think about what either of you don’t like! That will set off the critical voice in your head and cause more negativity. Just stick to all the positive stuff. Your partner will soon notice you are getting involved with their interests and become more receptive to your wants and needs. Understanding each other makes for a lasting relationship and strengthens your love.

OK guys this is not going to make an iota of sense if you do not have a basic knowledge of anatomy!

But one man who knows exactly how you can stop a breakup is a man Phil and I turned to when we were desperate for help in stopping our breakup. His book on how to do it and has helped couples all over the world stay together, and I will keep you posted just as soon as we have the full details. Watch this space!

How to spice up your relationship with a bit of knife humor.

“Respect isn’t something you’re just given; respect is something you have to force on the other individual”

Love it!

Research has shown that women are attracted to men who wear red. They find men in red more powerful, attractive and sexually desirable than men wearing other colors, according to a new study by the University of Rochester.

So fellas, if you don’t want to lose your woman, you need to wear red. A university professor says so!

“We found that women view men in red as higher in status, more likely to make money and more likely to climb the social ladder,” says lead researcher Andrew Elliot, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, in a university news release. “It is this high status judgment that leads to the attraction.”

You may think it’s because women think of guys wearing red as passionate or sensitive, but in fact it is because the color made men appear attractive and powerful, but it had no effect on whether a man was likable, kind or sociable.

The study was conducted on undergraduate men and women in the United States, the UK, China and Germany, and it was found that the “red effect” is consistent across cultures. This leads Elliot to believe the results to be biological in nature, and not culturally ingrained.

In the study, women were shown a series of photos of men in different colored tees and were asked about their interest in dating, kissing and more with the men in the pictures. No trend was found with any other color.

But then the guy who did the experiment does seem to have a fascination with the color red. He found in 2007 that red could impair the ability to perform competitively, and in 2008 that women in red were more attractive to men.

Well in theory he should be attracted to this blog then, shouldn’t he?

So what happened? Well, life did. Work, commitments, stress all took their toll, and before you know it you ended up taking each other for granted.

But if just one of you makes the effort initially, you can renew your tired relationship into a shiny new one again, because once you let him know how much you are still that gorgeous, playful happy girl he first fell in love with, then he won’t be able to help himself fall in love with you all over again.

First, you need to pay him attention. That often means laughing at his jokes. Yes, they may be lame! But he needs you to laugh at them. If he’s a natural clown, it’s often because making people laugh boosts his self esteem, so not laughing is like a slap in the face.

You’ll know his sense of humor like the back of your hand, so you could even try to predict what he’s going to say, as a way of making fun, but not in a nasty way; in a playful one. That is still paying him attention, so he’ll love it. But make sure you’re smiling, not rolling your eyes, at the time! Men can be just as emotional as women, but they often get angry instead of upset when they think you don’t care.

Secondly, be spontaneous! You must always have creative ideas of fun stuff to do. Write lists if you need to, and arrange fun days out. So many couples end up in a tired old relationship simply due to apathy. They’re too busy or unimaginative to stray from the normal humdrum of day to day life, and they literally become bored of each other.

Become an endless source of surprise and excitement, and he’ll pick up the habit too. He won’t realize it, but he’ll start to get competitive and want to be as creative or more creative than you. You’ll soon find yourself in a whirlwind romance again, because that’s how new couples always behave.

You don’t have to have kids to organize a treasure hunt, or a fancy dress party. Or photographic competitions with a different theme every week or month. And if you really use your imagination, you need not spend a lot of money either. You could play “Who am I” every Saturday. You don’t always need to have the Post-it note on the forehead when out on public, but you could if you don’t mind entertaining the people around you as well! (If you agree to this, he’ll think you’re a hoot!)

And the third thing you need to do to get back to a successful relationship is stay on top of personal maintenance. Be as attractive and as feminine as possible. This might sound fickle, but a lot of people ‘let themselves go’ once they’re in a relationship. It’s all done on a subconscious level, but when folks are single, they stay on top of looking as good as possible, then once they feel they’ve found someone, they stop trying.

But he’s probably let himself go too. You both may have put in weight due to all those take-outs, but if you start to make the effort, he will get the message, the same as with being spontaneous.

If you say stuff like “I’m working out because I can’t stand all this flab” he might get the message that you don’t like his flab either, without you having to insult him.

So don’t forget:

1. Pay him attention
2. Be playful and spontaneous
3. Be attractive and feminine

Used properly, these three tips can be very effective. Any one of these tactics will make a difference to your relationship, but when you combine all three, you’ve got dynamite!

But you have to put everything you’ve got into it. Don’t do half measures. You have to have a constantly positive attitude and always remember your goal, or he’ll see your heart’s not really in it.

Make sure you laugh and play every day, and if you turn heads by looking like a fox too, you’ll drive him crazy! He’ll be so proud to show you off, he’ll start to adore you again.

Good Luck!

Without even knowing we are doing it, we are searching for the opportunity to say “See? I told you so!” or “You wouldn’t listen to me, would you?”

We are viewing the whole relationship as if it were a battlefield. We are working against each other, when we should be on the same side.

The other day, I asked Phil if he would help me with some gardening. My back was hurting and Phil had told me he would do it, and that I should do some writing, but it was a lovely day and I really wanted to clear the overgrown weeds that made up our mini jungle over the last couple of months.

Before our “shake-up” as I call it, Phil (or I, in the same position) would have sulked(!) and pointed out that it was inevitable I would hurt my back, and said one or both of those statements above.

But this time he just hugged me, rubbed my shoulders and took over the gardening without another word.

It was pointed out to us during our therapy that we often argue just for the sake of arguing, and that we need to recognize how to prevent arguments, even the little (seemingly harmless) trivial ones. No matter how tempting it is to point out to your partner that they are wrong and you are right, assess whether it will have a peaceful outcome. It rarely does!

I have to say Phil has remembered all this stuff a lot better than I have. I notice tons of these subtle differences all the time. Quite often when he could easily point out how I’m wrong and he’s right, he doesn’t bother. When it’s the other way round, I find myself starting to say something, then stopping myself mid-sentence, and Phil will wink at me knowingly!

We have both now been trained to ask ourselves “What will the outcome of my actions (or words) be?”

It’s a lot easier to settle for being happy than being right. So swallow your pride and give it a try!

Sulkers want you to know that you have upset them, but they don’t have the self-confidence to tell you exactly what it is that you have done wrong. They expect you to just know! So now you’re supposed to be able to read their mind.

Well, the chances are, if your partner is sulking, you won’t know what it is you have done because all the things you said to them made perfect sense in your head, and seemed perfectly fair at the time.

So how do we put a stop to sulking?

We can ensure we don’t sulk ourselves, by being honest with our partner and having confidence to tell them when we are upset and why (without blaming though, remember!)

To stop your partner sulking is really quite easy. You don’t ask them or tell them to stop sulking. You do something much more clever.

As soon as you discover they are sulking, you must sincerely ask; “Have I done something to upset you?”

If they say “Yes” and explain what – great! But quite often they will lie and say “No” if they still don’t feel confident enough to tackle the problem.

In which case you must say “Oh, that’s OK then. I just thought I’d upset you because your breathing (or whatever) sounded like you were angry”.

If they still don’t want to tackle the problem, in most cases, they will feel they have to stop sulking, as they would now appear to be a liar if they continued. Your honesty and courtesy might even persuade them to be honest with you in return. Result!

But if they still continue sulking, don’t give them eye contact at all, and only give short, polite responses to them. Don’t ignore them completely, because then you are being as silly as they are. Remain civilized but make it clear you don’t tolerate them sulking.

To ensure you don’t appear too ignorant, you must busy yourself with something totally unrelated. Unless they are not very bright, they will know that you are doing this deliberately. But in fairness, you did give them the opportunity to sort things out; they can’t blame you for not tolerating sulking after being so reasonable.

If you use this tactic and avoid a conversation without being honest with them first, however, they will get angry and start slamming doors because they will think you have not noticed they are sulking! This will just make things worse. You must be upfront first.

Sulking is very childish behavior, and is the result of being emotionally immature. I guarantee you won’t need to do the above exercise more than twice for the message to sink in. Once you behave in a mature and reasonable way in response to sulking, your partner will stop being The Incredible Sulk!

If you liked this tip, we have plenty more in our free Stop That Breakup 7 Day Course – just sign up over on the right or clickHere.

Perhaps it was a sporting event that you had to put all your physical and mental energy into. How about training for running a marathon? Because it is something constructive, your partner would have to be incredibly selfish if they did not support you in something like this.

Perhaps you suffered in some way, and fought to get out of a bad situation. I will never look at adversity as bad luck ever again. Why? Because something happened to us that we thought was one of the cruelest blows of bad luck imaginable. We never would have believed we could survive it and even one day be thankful that it had happened. But we did.

When adversity hits, don’t crumble under the pressure. Think of it as your turn to be tested and an opportunity to prove you can come through it. If you and your partner go through the bad times together and support each other, your bond will grow stronger than ever, because you will learn things about yourselves and each other that you never imagined were possible.