A lot of visitors to this website might be wanting their partner; their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife to change their ways in order to stop a break up from happening. But you are the only one here, not your partner. You cannot change anyone who does not want to change – not directly, at least. But you can change yourself and influence your partner’s behavior through your own behavior.
The first question you need to ask is;” Do I really understand my partner?” We all like to be understood, but how good are we at understanding others? In fact how willing are we to even try to understand our partners?
Your partner won’t necessarily tell you what it is they feel they need from you, because they may not even know themselves. But you have the resources to find out – simply by asking the right questions. The more we know about a person, the more we are able to understand them.
Make a concerted effort to learn about your partner and everything he or she likes. Do not think about what either of you don’t like! That will set off the critical voice in your head and cause more negativity. Just stick to all the positive stuff. Your partner will soon notice you are getting involved with their interests and become more receptive to your wants and needs. Understanding each other makes for a lasting relationship and strengthens your love.
There is a lot of information out there on the internet about how to stop a breakup, but a lot of it is written by people who don’t have many credentials. The information is just their opinion.
But one man who knows exactly how you can stop a breakup is a man Phil and I turned to when we were desperate for help in stopping our breakup. His book on how to do it and has helped couples all over the world stay together, and I will keep you posted just as soon as we have the full details. Watch this space!
Research has shown that women are attracted to men who wear red. They find men in red more powerful, attractive and sexually desirable than men wearing other colors, according to a new study by the University of Rochester.
So fellas, if you don’t want to lose your woman, you need to wear red. A university professor says so!
“We found that women view men in red as higher in status, more likely to make money and more likely to climb the social ladder,” says lead researcher Andrew Elliot, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, in a university news release. “It is this high status judgment that leads to the attraction.”
You may think it’s because women think of guys wearing red as passionate or sensitive, but in fact it is because the color made men appear attractive and powerful, but it had no effect on whether a man was likable, kind or sociable.
The study was conducted on undergraduate men and women in the United States, the UK, China and Germany, and it was found that the “red effect” is consistent across cultures. This leads Elliot to believe the results to be biological in nature, and not culturally ingrained.
In the study, women were shown a series of photos of men in different colored tees and were asked about their interest in dating, kissing and more with the men in the pictures. No trend was found with any other color.
But then the guy who did the experiment does seem to have a fascination with the color red. He found in 2007 that red could impair the ability to perform competitively, and in 2008 that women in red were more attractive to men.
Well in theory he should be attracted to this blog then, shouldn’t he?
If you really want to stop a breakup happening, you must follow these three rules in order to keep your man and win back his love. Remember when you first started dating? What was it that your husband or boyfriend liked about you most? You must know – every couple has the “You know what I first liked about you” chat!
So what happened? Well, life did. Work, commitments, stress all took their toll, and before you know it you ended up taking each other for granted.
But if just one of you makes the effort initially, you can renew your tired relationship into a shiny new one again, because once you let him know how much you are still that gorgeous, playful happy girl he first fell in love with, then he won’t be able to help himself fall in love with you all over again.
First, you need to pay him attention. That often means laughing at his jokes. Yes, they may be lame! But he needs you to laugh at them. If he’s a natural clown, it’s often because making people laugh boosts his self esteem, so not laughing is like a slap in the face.
You’ll know his sense of humor like the back of your hand, so you could even try to predict what he’s going to say, as a way of making fun, but not in a nasty way; in a playful one. That is still paying him attention, so he’ll love it. But make sure you’re smiling, not rolling your eyes, at the time! Men can be just as emotional as women, but they often get angry instead of upset when they think you don’t care.
Secondly, be spontaneous! You must always have creative ideas of fun stuff to do. Write lists if you need to, and arrange fun days out. So many couples end up in a tired old relationship simply due to apathy. They’re too busy or unimaginative to stray from the normal humdrum of day to day life, and they literally become bored of each other.
Become an endless source of surprise and excitement, and he’ll pick up the habit too. He won’t realize it, but he’ll start to get competitive and want to be as creative or more creative than you. You’ll soon find yourself in a whirlwind romance again, because that’s how new couples always behave.
You don’t have to have kids to organize a treasure hunt, or a fancy dress party. Or photographic competitions with a different theme every week or month. And if you really use your imagination, you need not spend a lot of money either. You could play “Who am I” every Saturday. You don’t always need to have the Post-it note on the forehead when out on public, but you could if you don’t mind entertaining the people around you as well! (If you agree to this, he’ll think you’re a hoot!)
And the third thing you need to do to get back to a successful relationship is stay on top of personal maintenance. Be as attractive and as feminine as possible. This might sound fickle, but a lot of people ‘let themselves go’ once they’re in a relationship. It’s all done on a subconscious level, but when folks are single, they stay on top of looking as good as possible, then once they feel they’ve found someone, they stop trying.
But he’s probably let himself go too. You both may have put in weight due to all those take-outs, but if you start to make the effort, he will get the message, the same as with being spontaneous.
If you say stuff like “I’m working out because I can’t stand all this flab” he might get the message that you don’t like his flab either, without you having to insult him.
So don’t forget:
1. Pay him attention
2. Be playful and spontaneous
3. Be attractive and feminine
Used properly, these three tips can be very effective. Any one of these tactics will make a difference to your relationship, but when you combine all three, you’ve got dynamite!
But you have to put everything you’ve got into it. Don’t do half measures. You have to have a constantly positive attitude and always remember your goal, or he’ll see your heart’s not really in it.
Make sure you laugh and play every day, and if you turn heads by looking like a fox too, you’ll drive him crazy! He’ll be so proud to show you off, he’ll start to adore you again.
Sometimes human beings would rather be right, than be happy.
Without even knowing we are doing it, we are searching for the opportunity to say “See? I told you so!” or “You wouldn’t listen to me, would you?”
We are viewing the whole relationship as if it were a battlefield. We are working against each other, when we should be on the same side.
The other day, I asked Phil if he would help me with some gardening. My back was hurting and Phil had told me he would do it, and that I should do some writing, but it was a lovely day and I really wanted to clear the overgrown weeds that made up our mini jungle over the last couple of months.
Before our “shake-up” as I call it, Phil (or I, in the same position) would have sulked(!) and pointed out that it was inevitable I would hurt my back, and said one or both of those statements above.
But this time he just hugged me, rubbed my shoulders and took over the gardening without another word.
It was pointed out to us during our therapy that we often argue just for the sake of arguing, and that we need to recognize how to prevent arguments, even the little (seemingly harmless) trivial ones. No matter how tempting it is to point out to your partner that they are wrong and you are right, assess whether it will have a peaceful outcome. It rarely does!
I have to say Phil has remembered all this stuff a lot better than I have. I notice tons of these subtle differences all the time. Quite often when he could easily point out how I’m wrong and he’s right, he doesn’t bother. When it’s the other way round, I find myself starting to say something, then stopping myself mid-sentence, and Phil will wink at me knowingly!
We have both now been trained to ask ourselves “What will the outcome of my actions (or words) be?”
It’s a lot easier to settle for being happy than being right. So swallow your pride and give it a try!
One of my pet hates is sulking and sulkers. This didn’t, however, stop me from sulking, as Phil will attest. But he was a terrible sulker before we both educated ourselves.
Sulkers want you to know that you have upset them, but they don’t have the self-confidence to tell you exactly what it is that you have done wrong. They expect you to just know! So now you’re supposed to be able to read their mind.
Well, the chances are, if your partner is sulking, you won’t know what it is you have done because all the things you said to them made perfect sense in your head, and seemed perfectly fair at the time.
So how do we put a stop to sulking?
We can ensure we don’t sulk ourselves, by being honest with our partner and having confidence to tell them when we are upset and why (without blaming though, remember!)
To stop your partner sulking is really quite easy. You don’t ask them or tell them to stop sulking. You do something much more clever.
As soon as you discover they are sulking, you must sincerely ask; “Have I done something to upset you?”
If they say “Yes” and explain what – great! But quite often they will lie and say “No” if they still don’t feel confident enough to tackle the problem.
In which case you must say “Oh, that’s OK then. I just thought I’d upset you because your breathing (or whatever) sounded like you were angry”.
If they still don’t want to tackle the problem, in most cases, they will feel they have to stop sulking, as they would now appear to be a liar if they continued. Your honesty and courtesy might even persuade them to be honest with you in return. Result!
But if they still continue sulking, don’t give them eye contact at all, and only give short, polite responses to them. Don’t ignore them completely, because then you are being as silly as they are. Remain civilized but make it clear you don’t tolerate them sulking.
To ensure you don’t appear too ignorant, you must busy yourself with something totally unrelated. Unless they are not very bright, they will know that you are doing this deliberately. But in fairness, you did give them the opportunity to sort things out; they can’t blame you for not tolerating sulking after being so reasonable.
If you use this tactic and avoid a conversation without being honest with them first, however, they will get angry and start slamming doors because they will think you have not noticed they are sulking! This will just make things worse. You must be upfront first.
Sulking is very childish behavior, and is the result of being emotionally immature. I guarantee you won’t need to do the above exercise more than twice for the message to sink in. Once you behave in a mature and reasonable way in response to sulking, your partner will stop being The Incredible Sulk!
If you liked this tip, we have plenty more in our free Stop That Breakup 7 Day Course – just sign up over on the right or clickHere.
One amazingly powerful way to stop a breakup is when you focus all your energy on something other than your relationship, and your partner lives through it with you. When was the last time you were really challenged? I don’t mean in a discussion or argument, but in a real adventure or upheaval in your life.
Perhaps it was a sporting event that you had to put all your physical and mental energy into. How about training for running a marathon? Because it is something constructive, your partner would have to be incredibly selfish if they did not support you in something like this.
Perhaps you suffered in some way, and fought to get out of a bad situation. I will never look at adversity as bad luck ever again. Why? Because something happened to us that we thought was one of the cruelest blows of bad luck imaginable. We never would have believed we could survive it and even one day be thankful that it had happened. But we did.
When adversity hits, don’t crumble under the pressure. Think of it as your turn to be tested and an opportunity to prove you can come through it. If you and your partner go through the bad times together and support each other, your bond will grow stronger than ever, because you will learn things about yourselves and each other that you never imagined were possible.
In order to stop a breakup and have a successful relationship, you both need to be able to communicate effectively, but the chances are, one of you has the upper hand regarding communication.
It is reported that more women can interpret non-verbal cues better than men can, but I know lots of men who can do this very well too. All human beings have micro-expressions for example, which are facial expressions they hold for a fraction of a second before they are aware of what their face is doing.
Perhaps, for example, you bump into someone you don’t like, but you obviously don’t want the person to know you you are horrified to see them, so you smile and pleasantly ask how they are. But for a split second, when they first caught your attention, you looked slightly horrified before immediately changing your expression to a smile. Even though you smiled, if the person is good at picking up non-verbal cues, they will have noticed.
It is these micro-expressions that tell people the likelihood of us lying and our true feelings despite what we are actually saying. They are quite universal and even body language experts often cannot hide these micro-expressions, but there are often charicteristics that are unique to each individual, that only people who know them will be able to interpret.
Nervous laughter at the end of a sentence can also give away that we are not feeling comfortable, and in a lot of literature on non-verbal communication, this behavior is often indicative of lying, but that advice is very unreliable because many people develop this as a nervous habit, whether they lie or not.
In addition, when we try to decypher what our partner is really communicating, if we are slightly paranoid, we may be reading just a bit too much into their behavior.
So no matter how good we normally are at perceiving people’s behavior, in order to prevent distrust and further conflict, there is only one way to find out exactly what is going on in our partner’s head.
What we really need to do is talk to each other. And when we suspect our partner is keeping something from us, rather than become accusatory, ask ourselves why this would be. If for example it is to save from hurting our feelings, then provide a disclaimer to that scenario immediately, by saying something like “You can tell me honestly – I won’t be offended”.
Make direct communication a healthy habit in your relationship. Just make sure you do it in a way that does not make your partner think you are nagging them. If you listen and regularly act upon their requests, they will have faith that talking to you openly is a good thing.
Too many couples are in danger of breaking up because they simply do not get enough sleep. Tired people have less patience, snap more easily and are less able to be reasonable during discussions.
But lack of sleep is also ruining what should be one of the most enjoyable activities a couple can share; sex.
It’s a bad idea to always only have sex at the end of a hard days work, yet that’s what is going on with millions of couples. We often go to bed too late, and you know how it is, when you are really tired – it is impossible to get in the mood when you are so tired.
You both need to make the effort to get enough sleep all the time, otherwise here’s what will happen:
If the woman is tired, she’ll go to bed and not be in the mood for sex, so it doesn’t happen, and the man is obviously not happy.
Or the man will be too tired, but he’s still in the mood, so sex will happen, but it’ll be the absolute basics, without foreplay, so the woman is not happy.
So many think that this sort of stuff is not important. But if it happens too often, both partners will resent the other, and also when sex does happen, it will be unfulfilling and a chore. Never let sex become a chore! That’s awful, and can easily lead to infidelity.
So make sure you get enough sleep, so that you’ll not only enjoy sex more, but you’ll enjoy everything more!
If you need to stop a breakup ASAP, you really need to dump the negative vibes even sooner.
Are you the sort of person who says phrases like “knowing my luck” or “that’s typical!” or “as usual” in a sarcastic or despairing tone when conversing with your partner?
In the same way that people would rather be right than be happy, we often have our default setting on the negative. It’s such an ingrained habit of ours to complain, we are totally unaware of how our behavior comes across to other people.
Even little remarks like that add to the mountain of negative comments we make a hundred times a day, and even others will not necessarily know what it is that puts them off us, but put them off us it does!
There is a reason for everything. So instead of just responding to stuff with a defensive knee-jerk reaction, ask yourself what the underlying reason could be.
Rather than look for the negative in life, your partner or whatever, discover the reason and accept it, or deal with it in a positive way.
If you oppose something, do so positively. Check out the difference between the following statements that could be spoken in any relationship:
“You see? This is the thing about you – you always do this! Every time I try to suggest something, you always have to ruin it by saying it’s a bad idea!”
“I understand what you mean honey, maybe it isn’t a practical suggestion for this week, but would you consider it for sometime over the next few weeks? If we do it, and you hate it, you can choose the next thing we do. How about that?”
The second response is not only non-accusatory, it is giving your partner a choice. Once they have a choice, they will feel more involved and be more open to your suggestions in future. Even if they don’t like your idea, they are much more likely to reason with you fairly about it.
So break up with the negative vibes, and not your partner!
Hi guys, we’ve been getting positive feedback about the Free 7 Day Course we’re currently giving away to subscribers.
Here are a few comments from some of the emails we’ve had:
Wow! when you said it was comprehensive you weren’t kidding! I have been so depressed lately and i know what to do now. My boyfriend already noticed a diffrence when I did what you said on day 4 . we have some friends coming round on saturday and we plan to play your game!
R L says:
Thanks for the free course an the extra bonus. It is very helpful, I guess I wasn’t being fair to my boyfriend before. I blamed him for evcerything but if Im honest it is about 50.50. both of us.
“I really thought it was gonna be pile of junk but it was quite good thanks. I liked the negotiation examples you gave…”
I love the course so far but is it possible to not have stop that breakup in the title? I wanted to view it at work and that is sort of private?
In response to Nadav’s comment, we have Stop That Breakup within the title because it is the name of the 7 Day Course, but subsequent emails will still have ‘Stop That Breakup’ in the ‘From’ box because they are sent from our email linked to this site; Gemma AT StopThatBreakup.com. We have to make it clear who they are from so they don’t get missed or filtered out.
What you could do is quickly forward the email to a different private email and change the title, then delete the original. Then the forwarded email won’t show up as being from us. Most people have more than one email address. If you don’t, get a free one from Gmail. I wouldn’t recommend hotmail or yahoo as they are often linked with deliverability issues.
Keep your comments coming; we want to know what you think!
Mark Gungor does seminars on how to improve your marriage by using laughter, and he certainly has a gift for comedy. I’ve picked the shortest video from the series, but if you do get chance check out more of his stuff or the full version of this sketch. He is so right – and really funny.