Archive for the ‘Repair a Relationship’ Category

Is a Breakup Inevitable?

Thursday, March 19th, 2015

You could have been heading for a breakup for some time without even knowing it. Some people can read between the lines better than others. These people are a lot more perceptive when it comes to friendships and relationships. They pick up on non-verbal cues and can usually often tell when someone is lying.

And yet these people will still often fail to notice when things start to go wrong. As well as the rest of us that can’t see it at all, and feel like we have been hit by a sledgehammer when in fact an imminent breakup was creeping up on us all the time, the perceptive person can still be caught out.

A lot of these perceptive people realize that the signs had been there all along, but had chosen to ignore them. The biggest signs were ‘gut’ feelings that something was wrong. And that’s the key! Our gut feelings are rarely wrong, and instead of ignoring them, we need to take notice before the relationship spirals out of control.

Your partner could be telling you one thing, but behaving a different way. This contradiction is usually a huge sign that all is not well.

Other common signs of an impending breakup are:

  • Your partner becomes secretive
  • There is a change in their routine
  • They want to spend less time with you
  • They forget important dates
  • They go out with friends more than you
  • They don’t express love as often as they used to
  • They don’t propose within five years of dating
  • They pick fights over insignificant things
  • They continue friendships with ex partners
  • They start to browse dating sites

These clues can often mean the writing’s on the wall, but it does not mean your relationship is definitely doomed. It just means the spark has gone for your partner, but there are ways you can get it back!

You just need to be willing to change your outlook and behavior. So no, a breakup is not inevitable, and you are already in the right place to start to put things right!

How Self Esteem Affects Your Relationships

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

You may not realise it but when your partner started to “go off” you, it was probably more about them than about you.

All psychologists and psychiatrists know that it is not uncommon for people with low self esteem to stop being attracted to those attracted to them, simply because they feel that if a person likes them, there must be something WRONG with that person!

Seriously.

And insecure people cannot deal with other people’s faults nearly the same as secure people. Very unfair that your attraction for them is seen as a fault, but sadly it happens a lot.

As it is the unconscious mind that governs our moods and behaviour all this can manifest itself without the person even knowing themselves what is going on. So before you get depressed thinking it is all because of something you did, think again. It could well be them.

If you think this is a possibility that relates to your relationship, then the key is to back off a little. Don’t exactly play hard to get, but don’t smother your partner or ex, behave as though you don’t mind what they do, either way.

And they’ll come around – you’ll see.

Good luck!

Gemma

Understanding Each Other

Saturday, April 9th, 2011

A lot of visitors to this website might be wanting their partner; their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife to change their ways in order to stop a break up from happening. But you are the only one here, not your partner. You cannot change anyone who does not want to change – not directly, at least. But you can change yourself and influence your partner’s behavior through your own behavior.

The first question you need to ask is;” Do I really understand my partner?” We all like to be understood, but how good are we at understanding others? In fact how willing are we to even try to understand our partners?

Your partner won’t necessarily tell you what it is they feel they need from you, because they may not even know themselves. But you have the resources to find out – simply by asking the right questions. The more we know about a person, the more we are able to understand them.

Make a concerted effort to learn about your partner and everything he or she likes. Do not think about what either of you don’t like! That will set off the critical voice in your head and cause more negativity. Just stick to all the positive stuff. Your partner will soon notice you are getting involved with their interests and become more receptive to your wants and needs. Understanding each other makes for a lasting relationship and strengthens your love.

T W Jackson Video

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Great advice as always from T Dub. For more videos from TW Jackson go to his  Magic of Making Up site. Make sure you check out the Testimonials video too!

Stop a Breakup – Help at Last!

Saturday, February 5th, 2011

stopbreakup

Last week I told you we would soon let you know about how Phil and I were able to stop our relationship breakup and stay together. Well, we have now added a page all about it. In the Review page I have written a review of the book our friend T Dub wrote after he helped us stay together when the going was tough.

Well it turns out there are lots of people who want to know how to stop a break up or how to get an ex back, and the book is now a bestseller! And we couldn’t be more delighted for T Dub, because he really knows what he’s talking about.

Read my opinion about it here on the Review Page and T Dub’s website is at www.TheMagicOfMakingUp.com

Hope you enjoy it!

Gemma

Boyfriend Girlfriend 2

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

Med School

OK guys this is not going to make an iota of sense if you do not have a basic knowledge of anatomy!

Stop That Breakup!

Sunday, November 14th, 2010

There is a lot of information out there on the internet about how to stop a breakup, but a lot of it is written by people who don’t have many credentials. The information is just their opinion.

But one man who knows exactly how you can stop a breakup is a man Phil and I turned to when we were desperate for help in stopping our breakup. His book on how to do it and has helped couples all over the world stay together, and I will keep you posted just as soon as we have the full details. Watch this space!

stopthatbreakuplogo

Stop a Breakup – Keep a Knife!

Friday, October 8th, 2010

How to spice up your relationship with a bit of knife humor.

“Respect isn’t something you’re just given; respect is something you have to force on the other individual”

Love it!

Guys; Wear Red to Keep Your Woman!

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

Research has shown that women are attracted to men who wear red. They find men in red more powerful, attractive and sexually desirable than men wearing other colors, according to a new study by the University of Rochester.

So fellas, if you don’t want to lose your woman, you need to wear red. A university professor says so!

“We found that women view men in red as higher in status, more likely to make money and more likely to climb the social ladder,” says lead researcher Andrew Elliot, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, in a university news release. “It is this high status judgment that leads to the attraction.”

You may think it’s because women think of guys wearing red as passionate or sensitive, but in fact it is because the color made men appear attractive and powerful, but it had no effect on whether a man was likable, kind or sociable.

The study was conducted on undergraduate men and women in the United States, the UK, China and Germany, and it was found that the “red effect” is consistent across cultures. This leads Elliot to believe the results to be biological in nature, and not culturally ingrained.

In the study, women were shown a series of photos of men in different colored tees and were asked about their interest in dating, kissing and more with the men in the pictures. No trend was found with any other color.

But then the guy who did the experiment does seem to have a fascination with the color red. He found in 2007 that red could impair the ability to perform competitively, and in 2008 that women in red were more attractive to men.

Well in theory he should be attracted to this blog then, shouldn’t he?

The Danger of Always Being Right

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

stopbreakupSometimes human beings would rather be right, than be happy.

Without even knowing we are doing it, we are searching for the opportunity to say “See? I told you so!” or “You wouldn’t listen to me, would you?”

We are viewing the whole relationship as if it were a battlefield. We are working against each other, when we should be on the same side.

The other day, I asked Phil if he would help me with some gardening. My back was hurting and Phil had told me he would do it, and that I should do some writing, but it was a lovely day and I really wanted to clear the overgrown weeds that made up our mini jungle over the last couple of months.

Before our “shake-up” as I call it, Phil (or I, in the same position) would have sulked(!) and pointed out that it was inevitable I would hurt my back, and said one or both of those statements above.

But this time he just hugged me, rubbed my shoulders and took over the gardening without another word.

It was pointed out to us during our therapy that we often argue just for the sake of arguing, and that we need to recognize how to prevent arguments, even the little (seemingly harmless) trivial ones. No matter how tempting it is to point out to your partner that they are wrong and you are right, assess whether it will have a peaceful outcome. It rarely does!

I have to say Phil has remembered all this stuff a lot better than I have. I notice tons of these subtle differences all the time. Quite often when he could easily point out how I’m wrong and he’s right, he doesn’t bother. When it’s the other way round, I find myself starting to say something, then stopping myself mid-sentence, and Phil will wink at me knowingly!

We have both now been trained to ask ourselves “What will the outcome of my actions (or words) be?”

It’s a lot easier to settle for being happy than being right. So swallow your pride and give it a try!

Stop A Breakup – Stop Sulking

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

stopbreakupOne of my pet hates is sulking and sulkers. This didn’t, however, stop me from sulking, as Phil will attest. But he was a terrible sulker before we both educated ourselves.

Sulkers want you to know that you have upset them, but they don’t have the self-confidence to tell you exactly what it is that you have done wrong. They expect you to just know! So now you’re supposed to be able to read their mind.

Well, the chances are, if your partner is sulking, you won’t know what it is you have done because all the things you said to them made perfect sense in your head, and seemed perfectly fair at the time.

So how do we put a stop to sulking?

We can ensure we don’t sulk ourselves, by being honest with our partner and having confidence to tell them when we are upset and why (without blaming though, remember!)

To stop your partner sulking is really quite easy. You don’t ask them or tell them to stop sulking. You do something much more clever.

As soon as you discover they are sulking, you must sincerely ask; “Have I done something to upset you?”

If they say “Yes” and explain what – great! But quite often they will lie and say “No” if they still don’t feel confident enough to tackle the problem.

In which case you must say “Oh, that’s OK then. I just thought I’d upset you because your breathing (or whatever) sounded like you were angry”.

If they still don’t want to tackle the problem, in most cases, they will feel they have to stop sulking, as they would now appear to be a liar if they continued. Your honesty and courtesy might even persuade them to be honest with you in return. Result!

But if they still continue sulking, don’t give them eye contact at all, and only give short, polite responses to them. Don’t ignore them completely, because then you are being as silly as they are. Remain civilized but make it clear you don’t tolerate them sulking.

To ensure you don’t appear too ignorant, you must busy yourself with something totally unrelated. Unless they are not very bright, they will know that you are doing this deliberately. But in fairness, you did give them the opportunity to sort things out; they can’t blame you for not tolerating sulking after being so reasonable.

If you use this tactic and avoid a conversation without being honest with them first, however, they will get angry and start slamming doors because they will think you have not noticed they are sulking! This will just make things worse. You must be upfront first.

Sulking is very childish behavior, and is the result of being emotionally immature. I guarantee you won’t need to do the above exercise more than twice for the message to sink in. Once you behave in a mature and reasonable way in response to sulking, your partner will stop being The Incredible Sulk!

If you liked this tip, we have plenty more in our free Stop That Breakup 7 Day Course – just sign up over on the right or clickHere.

Stop A Breakup With a Challenge

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

One amazingly powerful way to stop a breakup is when you focus all your energy on something other than your relationship, and your partner lives through it with you. When was the last time you were really challenged? I don’t mean in a discussion or argument, but in a real adventure or upheaval in your life.

Perhaps it was a sporting event that you had to put all your physical and mental energy into. How about training for running a marathon? Because it is something constructive, your partner would have to be incredibly selfish if they did not support you in something like this.

Perhaps you suffered in some way, and fought to get out of a bad situation. I will never look at adversity as bad luck ever again. Why? Because something happened to us that we thought was one of the cruelest blows of bad luck imaginable. We never would have believed we could survive it and even one day be thankful that it had happened. But we did.

When adversity hits, don’t crumble under the pressure. Think of it as your turn to be tested and an opportunity to prove you can come through it. If you and your partner go through the bad times together and support each other, your bond will grow stronger than ever, because you will learn things about yourselves and each other that you never imagined were possible.

Relationship Communication

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

In order to stop a breakup and have a successful relationship, you both need to be able to communicate effectively, but the chances are, one of you has the upper hand regarding communication.

It is reported that more women can interpret non-verbal cues better than men can, but I know lots of men who can do this very well too. All human beings have micro-expressions for example, which are facial expressions they hold for a fraction of a second before they are aware of what their face is doing.

Perhaps, for example, you bump into someone you don’t like, but you obviously don’t want the person to know you you are horrified to see them, so you smile and pleasantly ask how they are. But for a split second, when they first caught your attention, you looked slightly horrified before immediately changing your expression to a smile. Even though you smiled, if the person is good at picking up non-verbal cues, they will have noticed.

It is these micro-expressions that tell people the likelihood of us lying and our true feelings despite what we are actually saying. They are quite universal and even body language experts often cannot hide these micro-expressions, but there are often charicteristics that are unique to each individual, that only people who know them will be able to interpret.

Nervous laughter at the end of a sentence can also give away that we are not feeling comfortable, and in a lot of literature on non-verbal communication, this behavior is often indicative of lying, but that advice is very unreliable because many people develop this as a nervous habit, whether they lie or not.

In addition, when we try to decypher what our partner is really communicating, if we are slightly paranoid, we may be reading just a bit too much into their behavior.

So no matter how good we normally are at perceiving people’s behavior, in order to prevent distrust and further conflict, there is only one way to find out exactly what is going on in our partner’s head.

What we really need to do is talk to each other. And when we suspect our partner is keeping something from us, rather than become accusatory, ask ourselves why this would be. If for example it is to save from hurting our feelings, then provide a disclaimer to that scenario immediately, by saying something like “You can tell me honestly – I won’t be offended”.

Make direct communication a healthy habit in your relationship. Just make sure you do it in a way that does not make your partner think you are nagging them. If you listen and regularly act upon their requests, they will have faith that talking to you openly is a good thing.

Best of luck.

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Sleep More to Improve Your Sex Life

Monday, October 12th, 2009

stopbreakupToo many couples are in danger of breaking up because they simply do not get enough sleep. Tired people have less patience, snap more easily and are less able to be reasonable during discussions.

But lack of sleep is also ruining what should be one of the most enjoyable activities a couple can share; sex.

It’s a bad idea to always only have sex at the end of a hard days work, yet that’s what is going on with millions of couples. We often go to bed too late, and you know how it is, when you are really tired – it is impossible to get in the mood when you are so tired.

You both need to make the effort to get enough sleep all the time, otherwise here’s what will happen:

If the woman is tired, she’ll go to bed and not be in the mood for sex, so it doesn’t happen, and the man is obviously not happy.

Or the man will be too tired, but he’s still in the mood, so sex will happen, but it’ll be the absolute basics, without foreplay, so the woman is not happy.

So many think that this sort of stuff is not important. But if it happens too often, both partners will resent the other, and also when sex does happen, it will be unfulfilling and a chore. Never let sex become a chore! That’s awful, and can easily lead to infidelity.

So make sure you get enough sleep, so that you’ll not only enjoy sex more, but you’ll enjoy everything more!

Stop a Breakup? Stop the Negative Vibes

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

If you need to stop a breakup ASAP, you really need to dump the negative vibes even sooner.

Are you the sort of person who says phrases like “knowing my luck” or “that’s typical!” or “as usual” in a sarcastic or despairing tone when conversing with your partner?

In the same way that people would rather be right than be happy, we often have our default setting on the negative. It’s such an ingrained habit of ours to complain, we are totally unaware of how our behavior comes across to other people.

Even little remarks like that add to the mountain of negative comments we make a hundred times a day, and even others will not necessarily know what it is that puts them off us, but put them off us it does!

There is a reason for everything. So instead of just responding to stuff with a defensive knee-jerk reaction, ask yourself what the underlying reason could be.

Rather than look for the negative in life, your partner or whatever, discover the reason and accept it, or deal with it in a positive way.

If you oppose something, do so positively. Check out the difference between the following statements that could be spoken in any relationship:

“You see? This is the thing about you – you always do this! Every time I try to suggest something, you always have to ruin it by saying it’s a bad idea!”

or

“I understand what you mean honey, maybe it isn’t a practical suggestion for this week, but would you consider it for sometime over the next few weeks? If we do it, and you hate it, you can choose the next thing we do. How about that?”

The second response is not only non-accusatory, it is giving your partner a choice. Once they have a choice, they will feel more involved and be more open to your suggestions in future. Even if they don’t like your idea, they are much more likely to reason with you fairly about it.

So break up with the negative vibes, and not your partner!